The One Where the Cat Sacked the Toad
by RoyalCrimsonCloak
Summary: Umbridge is a problem. Harry knows it. Hermione knows it. Everyone knows it. But what matters most is that Minerva McGonagall knows it.


**Author's Note: This little one-shot is based off a wonderful prompt I found on Tumblr, thanks to a-weird-rusted-android. Thank you, as always, to MrsRen. Some of the text is taken from **_**Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.**_ **I own nothing except the laptop I use to write. Enjoy! Rated T for safety. Implied Harmony.**

September 3, 1995

Mr Potter, you will write 'I must not tell lies," Professor Umbridge said, smiling down at him once he was seated at the desk. She handed him a thin quill, ink black with a large plume and sharp nib.

"How many times, Professor?" Harry asked, as politely as possible.

"Oh, as long as it takes to _sink in_," she said sweetly, moving over to her desk and sitting down.

"You haven't given me any ink," he said.

"Oh, you won't need ink," she said with the merest suggestion of laughter in her voice.

Harry placed the point of the quill on the paper and wrote: _I must not tell lies. _He let out a gasp of pain. The words had appeared on the parchment in what appeared to be shining red ink. At the same time, the words had appeared on the back of Harry's right hand, cut into his skin as though traced there by the thin blade of a scalpel.

* * *

Harry trudged up the innumerable staircases to the fifth floor and solved the riddle fairly easily and was admitted to the Ravenclaw dormitory. The portrait swung open and he stumbled over the threshold into the common room. Hermione saw him swaying and she rushed over to him and helped him to the nearest sofa. She made him stretch out and sat down on the edge near his head, holding his left hand comfortingly.  
"Harry, what happened?" She asked, concern in her voice.

"N-Nothing, Hermione," he stammered, avoiding her gaze.

"Harry, don't. Tell me what happened. If it's that Umbwitch, I'll hex her to Azkaban!" She seethed.

"Alright, I had detention with her and I had to use a special quill that used my _blood_ as the ink," he murmured, slightly embarrassed.

"Harry, you can't be serious. That's illegal. Those quills are Ministry controlled," she breathed, eyes widening.

He nodded in response, trying to hide his face in the cushion.

"I'll fetch the essence of murtlap. Thank Merlin that Madam Pomfrey showed me how to brew it over the holidays," Hermione stated, rising to fetch her bag from the table nearby. She returned with the bottle and a soft flannel and poured the murtlap on his hand, murmuring soothing words then wrapping the flannel around it, securing it magically.

"Thank you, love." Harry said softly, giving her a small smile when she finished.

"Anything for you, Harry, you ought to know this by now," she returned, kissing his forehead. He smiled sheepishly and opened his arms, allowing her to lean forward to cuddle him.

* * *

**"****Minerva, I really have to send these letters. I appreciate your animagus talents, but shoo," Dumbledore stated fondly, trying to shoo his colleague off his desk. **

The tabby cat meowed indignantly at him, and settled further onto the top of his desk, scattering parchment on the floor and knocking a few books off in the midst of rolling around.

"Minerva, really!" Dumbledore groaned, sitting down in the chair. He flicked his wand and the parchments flew back onto the desk, stacking themselves neatly and the books floated back to the shelf from which they came.

"Mreowww."

Minerva stretched lazily after having been in one spot for a while and walked across the desk, tail flicking and brushing against Dumbledore's face, causing him to sneeze.

"Minerva, go bother Umbridge, please," Albus sighed exasperatedly.

The cat merely narrowed her eyes at him and plucked the quill from his hand and settled on top of his paperwork again, chewing on it. When she was satisfied, she rose, arching her back and leapt down from the desk, shaking her back leg as she went.

She wandered down the corridor, sniffing along, as it was the feline side of her to do so. She found herself at Umbridge's office, the door half open. She squeezed through, ears twitching from the sound of meowing kittens.

* * *

At dinner that night, Delores was incensed. "Why are the cushions in my office ruined? Who is responsible for this?" She croaked, her face as pink as the insipid pink wool jacket she wore constantly. She huffed when no one answered, and loudly banged her chair back to leave in a rush through the side door behind the Head table. The other professors glanced down to where McGonagall was seated, waiting on an explanation. It was no secret that Minerva despised the toad-like woman and everyone in the castle knew it, even the house elves.

At the Ravenclaw table, Harry and Hermione had their forks midway to their mouth when Umbridge stormed out.

"Wonder what that was about?" Hermione mused, unable to keep the slight grin off her face. She may be a Ravenclaw, but she had great respect for the older witch.

Harry set his fork down to look at his girlfriend and best friend. "I figure somehow that Professor McGonagall got wind of what Umbridge was up to and decided to take action," he replied.

"Well, for your sake, I hope that's the case," she said, picking up her fork and returning to her meal.

* * *

Severus swept into his office located off his classroom in the dungeons to prepare ingredients to brew another batch of potions for the hospital wing. Unknowingly, Minerva, in her Animagus form, followed behind him and hopped up onto the bench on the opposite wall and wedged herself into a large-mouth jar. He reached to get it and let out an unmanly yelp, seeing a squashed cat in it.

"Minerva, get out of that jar now. I need it," he drawled, looking down his nose at the annoying tabby.

She closed her eyes, purring contentedly and ignoring the hook-nosed sallow man.

"You are far too old for such antics, Minerva," he spoke again, arms crossed.

McGonagall meowed, raising halfway out of the jar, paws resting on the mouth. She flicked her ear and meowed annoyingly at the greasy-haired professor.

"I'll stop taking points from Longbottom for a week. Is that satisfactory?" he asked.

She hissed at him, displeased with the offer and burrowed herself back into the jar, deeper this time.

Snape sighed, exasperated. "Merlin, how did you even get inside there? Alright fine. I'll help you get Umbridge sacked," he groused.

She meowed, pleased, and shimmied out of the jar. Minerva hurried out of the classroom, leaving Snape bewildered, still scowling.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, Dumbledore tapped his glass to get the attention of those present in the Great Hall.

"Attention everyone. In case you have not yet heard, Professor Umbridge had to...suddenly leave us… we wish her the best," he said, eyes twinkling merrily.

The moment he returned to his seat, the Great Hall erupted in cheers, professors not even attempting to dissuade the students from celebrating. Harry and Hermione embraced tightly, neither unable to hide the wide grins.

While the truth of how the Toad was fired would never be made public knowledge beyond the Hogwarts staff, all that mattered is that the cat sacked the toad.


End file.
